By Miriam Subirana, author of Flourishing Together
Accompanying a person in the discovery of themselves, in resolving their crossroads or dispelling their clouds, is both a fascinating task and a big responsibility. In each encounter I continue to be surprised at the great mystery that we are as human beings. In the realms of our being there are many things, much of them unnecessary, such as noise and heavy baggage, incrusted experiences that are difficult to get rid of, but we also find a great capacity for imagination and creativity, and surprisingly, everything that we are looking for and that we need is there. It remains hidden by emotions and dramatic, almost histrionic thoughts, locked up by our fears and doubts. It is so near, less than a millimetre away and requiring less than a second to reach it. However, we travel miles in search of it and years pass until we manage to prise open the door even a tiny way to where the treasure we long for resides.
Day after day I ask myself – What, then, is my responsibility as a coach, as a person who offers herself to accompany you on your search, on your journey through life? As I go forwards, my listening becomes more open and more subtle. From my inner silence, I connect with what the other asks of me, or rather with what they are asking of themselves. In that space of active and silent listening, a question emerges. It is always appreciative. My experience has shown me, over and over again, that, to open the doors of our inner realms and go into them, we should connect to our strengths, trust and be brave. To do so, it is essential to be appreciative. An appreciative question opens you up gently so that you can see without getting blocked or overwhelmed.
Appreciating, you value, you recognise, you enhance the beauty of the other. Your appreciative presence empowers their self-confidence, opening them up to you and themselves. They open up in order to see and become aware of their self-created monsters which are like paper tigers. With just a match, they can burn them away if so desired, if the courage can be found. They open up to enter silently into themselves and listen. Then we listen together. Together we create a new reality that arises out of feeling ourselves and a generative conversation. Generative, because it generates a different state to the one we had before beginning the conversation. Generative, since it leads us to other spaces where the reality that we create is kind and helps us to go forward.
In coaching I accompany the person to go down the paths that take them within. Perhaps the person is looking to improve a relationship, change jobs or be successful in their endeavour, be it to do with work or personal. On holding a first conversation on what the main topic of the coaching sessions will be, we begin to remove layers of objectives that take them back outside of themselves. We glimpse that the subject to be dealt with covers their life, yes, their work, yes, but above all it covers their heart and mind; in sum, their soul and their relational being, which is fruit of the relationships that they have had and still have.
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Miriam Subirana shares her profession as a painter and writer with being a teacher of meditation and positive thinking. She coordinates programmes, projects, seminars and retreats whose objective is to refind and live your own identity and enjoy a fuller life. She lives in Barcelona, Spain.
Previous Books: Who rules in your life (9781846941177), O-Books, 2008. Dare to Live (9781846941207), O-Books, 2008. Live in Freedom(9781846941962), O-Books, 2009, Creativity to Reinvent Your Life (978-1-84694-361-4) O Books 2010, From Neediness to Fulfillment (978-1-78099-129-0) O Books 2013