Arriving at Your Authentic Self: Navigating the Transformational Journey with Courage and Compassion, by Alicia M. Rodriguez
“Sometimes everything
has to be
inscribed across
the heavens
so you can find
the one line
already written
inside you.”
From The Journey, David Whyte
I’ve always loved this poem – and honestly, almost every poem David Whyte has written. As a coach, I work with people who are discovering themselves anew. This inquiry is intimate and delicate work. Whyte writes they are looking for “…the one line already written inside…”
Most people don’t recognize that line. Some people never even know that this line exists. They don’t know that there may be an essence to their being that has not yet fully manifested. These individuals may be content and comfortable, accepting their lives exactly as they are. They will not sense that there is more; for them, there may not be any more than what is available in the present moment.
Then others awaken one morning, confused, disoriented, and uncertain about who they are and what they are doing on this planet. When they look in the mirror, they no longer recognize the face staring back at them. They begin to feel a void and a mysterious longing even if their lives are by all appearances rich and fulfilled. This uneasiness is the beginning of a new journey, one that requires courage and honesty to undertake. In the face of all evidence, this person challenges the status quo. Her community will tell her that she should appreciate everything she has, that there is no reason to “rock the boat,” and that life is hard, and you do what you can with what you have, and that’s just the way it is. But that nagging feeling persists, and eventually, the sleepless nights lead to an undeniable longing for an unknown life on a path that has yet to be explored.
This shift is transformational work. It requires a coach, a guide, a mentor, whatever you choose to call that person, who has done the deep work herself. You cannot guide someone down a dark path if you cannot carry the lantern. How I work with individuals through these life transitions requires a deep respect for another’s path and the grounding to be witness to an unpredictable unfolding.
Coaches are trained in techniques, self-awareness, and coaching frameworks. However, the soul knows nothing of frameworks. Working with someone on a profound transition requires the coach to be vigilant of her own prejudices, beliefs, and assumptions. We must become the blank canvas on which the client can paint her future. Our job is to ask the radical question, not the obvious question. Our work is to listen beyond the words and to use intuition and sensing to inquire into the story our client is telling us, a story that may well not be her story but a myth she has come to believe.
When I work with individuals navigating some kind of life transition, I know that what is really at stake is their ego identity. Based on this identity, the client has created a life that provides self-worth and self-esteem. Her ego will resist all attempts to dethrone it and fight if it feels threatened. The only way to move beyond the current identity is to enlist the ego in an open dialogue and invite the ego to partner with the heart to create a different future.
People speak of letting go and leaving behind things, relationships, and ways. The minute they speak of letting go of something, the tighter the grasp on the thing that may need to be released. I prefer to use another metaphor. If you think of life as dynamic and constantly in motion, like a river whose waters flow, then the idea is to become acquainted with the current and to flow with it instead of against it. It’s not about letting go of something but about moving with the current. The river will take you whether you resist or not. Understanding that your life is in movement and that you have the power to create a life that aligns with that movement is empowering. You experience less stress and a clear purpose and meaning when you align with that essential Self.
Some people call it finding your purpose. Most people are asking themselves what that purpose is. I think that is the wrong question. Finding purpose is an outcome of discovering your true nature and creating a life that fully expresses that creative spirit. When you genuinely know who you are, the life purpose is a non-issue; it appears, and you immediately recognize it.
The coach’s role is to be present for the unfolding of a new way of being for the client. It may not result in a change of jobs, location, spouses, or friends – and it also may result in those things. Our goal is not to judge but to convene a conversation with our clients and to provide compassion and safety for the deeper personal inquiry that can eventually move the client forward in her life. This is truly soul work.
Parker Palmer writes that we must provide safety for the soul to appear. In his book Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation, he writes, “Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am.” A coach’s role is to be a conduit for the client to listen to their authentic voice so that they may know who they are at this moment in time and align with that truth.
It’s easy to call this transition coaching, but it is more profound than finding purpose or navigating life changes. Our work is to provide a safe environment and support for our clients to enter into a deeper inquiry, perhaps an existential inquiry, into who they are essentially and how to bring that beautiful being forth.
If we succeed, we will meet our clients at the door as they arrive. As David Whyte concludes his poem,
“Sometimes with
the bones of the black
sticks left when the fire
has gone out
someone has written
something new
in the ashes of your life.
You are not leaving.
Even as the light fades quickly now,
you are arriving.”
Bio:
Alicia M. Rodriguez is a published author, storyteller, slow-living evangelist, and catalyst for personal growth. She works with individuals committed to making quantum leaps in their lives. Alicia is passionate about writing, Portugal, rich coffee, her dog Sophie, courageous conversations, and work with heart and meaning. As a published author and spiritual woman, she nurtures her creativity and soul in the beauty of the Algarve. Her memoir, The Shaman’s Wife, was published in Fall of 2024.
For more information about Alicia M. Rodriguez, visit www.alicimarodriguez.com or connect with Alicia via Instagram https://www.instagram.com/msaliciamrodriguez/.