A Talk with Alanna Kaivalya, PhD, author of The Way of the Satisfied Woman: Reclaiming Feminine Power
Alanna Kaivalya, PhD, is a bestselling author, spiritual leader, and expert on mythology, spirituality, and psychology. Her global network has more than 30,000 members, and she is host of the Spiritual Leadership Podcast, originally launched in 2005. She earned a doctorate in mythological studies with an emphasis in depth psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute and is a former board member of the Carl Jung Foundation. She lives in Southern California. More information at www.thesatisfiedwoman.com
What does it mean to be a feminine woman?
While there isn’t one definition of a feminine woman, we know her because of her ability to embody and express the greatest attributes of femininity with confidence, wildness, and freedom. No matter what she’s doing – changing the oil or baking cookies – she’s doing it in a way that accesses her intuition, honors her emotions, and taps into her uncontained creativity.
The feminine woman’s body expresses the cyclical rhythm of life itself, making her comfortable with constant change, and responsible for speaking up about what needs to shift in her life. The feminine woman loves opportunities to collaborate, express beauty and sensuality, and enhance pleasure for herself and those around her. The Satisfied Woman is one embodying her femininity fully, leaning into her natural polarity, asking the world to cherish her womanhood, and claiming her rightful place anywhere she desires to be.
How do you define satisfaction for the modern-day woman?
Satisfaction is defined as the pleasure derived from the fulfillment of one’s wishes and needs. For far too long, women have been focused on fulfilling the needs of others, not to mention striving for success based on the ideals (continued)
of a patriarchal culture! Neither of these things allow the feminine woman to thrive on her own terms or fulfill her specific needs and wishes.
It is time for women to be fulfilled. On every level, and on our own terms.
When women tend to their own needs and wishes, a magical thing happens. Women naturally work in a more collaborative, communal way which means that as the woman does what she needs to feel satisfied, everyone around her also benefits!
How does being a satisfied woman differ from previous notions of feminine equality?
The Satisfied Woman has moved past previous notions of equality, because those former notions were all defined by men as a result of the patriarchy. We have been trained to want what men want, to succeed on men’s terms, and to bend ourselves into what men think we should be. Those terms were not designed for the feminine woman in mind, and do not take into account her own unique needs and desires.
Previous ideas of equality meant that women were striving to achieve men’s goals. Instead, it is better for women to work toward satisfaction: the pleasure derived from the fulfillment of wishes and needs. As women tend to their wishes and needs, they build a life based on their dreams, their desires…and their terms.
What is different about women’s satisfaction versus men’s version of success?
The masculine (and patriarchal) definition of success means that there are winners and losers. It is a hierarchical, unilateral, singularly focused pursuit of one goal. And, when that goal is achieved, what then? Oftentimes, the goal is simply moved, or a new definition of success is created.
Alternatively, the feminine pursuit of success means that there is a collaborative and communal effort to continually work for the fulfillment of wishes and needs. As women work toward satisfaction, they do their best to ensure that those around them also benefit. This means that everyone is uplifted from a woman’s satisfaction.
How has the patriarchy shaped what women are expected to do/be/have today?
The patriarchy is designed to center men’s needs and elevate masculine ideals, while simultaneously subjugating women’s needs and diminishing feminine ideals. Women are taught early on that the qualities of femininity are not just less desirable, but potentially dangerous. Qualities like intuition and emotions are less favored over the masculine qualities of logic and reason.
When masculinity and manhood are seen as more valuable, then everything is seen in relation to that. Instead of seeing women on their own terms, with their own value, and their own valid needs, women are seen for what they offer to men, what they can do for men, and how they can help men elevate their own masculine qualities and ideals.
What are the most important things for a woman to have to feel satisfied?
While each woman determines for herself what makes her feel most satisfied (and those things can change as often as she likes, too!), the fulfillment of her satisfaction will be rooted in The Four Keys:
- Safety: to be ourselves and free from harm in mind, body, and heart
- Security: to know our needs are provided for
- Trust: in ourselves, our situation, and those around us
- Cherishing: our emotions and intuition are honored by the masculine
The way a woman feels safe, secure, trusting, and cherished may differ from another, but as long as she feels these Four Keys in her life, she has the foundation she needs to build a life of satisfaction.
What is the difference between masculinity and femininity?
Most simply put, femininity favors emotions and intuition, while masculinity leans toward logic and reason. These are both psychological energies that every human has, but each of us as individuals lean primarily into one over the other. They are each essential energies, and when we are able to freely express our primary polarity, we feel energized and authentic.
Alongside intuitions and emotion, femininity also loves to express attributes like creativity, pleasure, collaboration, nourishing, communication, wildness, and spontaneity. The masculine thrives in clear decision making, protection, providership, nurturing, guidance, and mentorship. It is easy to see how each of these polarities is incredibly valuable, particularly in concert with the other in a dynamic, reciprocal way.
Does the feminine always need a masculine counterpart?
Absolutely. It is the nature of the universe, in fact! The masculine and feminine are natural, complimentary counterparts to one another. We see it in all of life and the world around us. This duality is intrinsic to everything in our world. It even exists within our own psyche.
Every human has both masculine and feminine polarities within them, and either can be expressed anytime for the right reasons. We feel energized and authentic, however, when we are freely allowed to express our primary polarity most of the time.
How does the feminine woman nourish herself and recharge? 
Women often feel drained, overworked, overwhelmed, and burnt out. When this happens, it is a sure sign that we are overlooking our feminine needs, and probably donning the mask of masculinity too much of the time. Connecting to our femininity energizes us! Think of it as tending to a well. A well is fed from the groundwater, but it also needs to be tended to from the outside to make sure the structure remains supported. We can fill our well through anything that connects us to our femininity – engaging in creative activities, communing with fellow women, tapping into our intuition, feeling our emotions fully, doing things that give us pleasure. But we can also get help from others by ensuring that we have people that protect us, provide what we need, and cherish our emotions and intuition.
The Way of the Satisfied Woman: Reclaiming Feminine Power
By Alanna Kaivalya, PhD
Women’s Interest / Personal Growth • $19.95
Trade paperback • 232 pp. • 5.5 x 8.5 • Pub date: November 26, 2024
ISBN: 978-1-60868-938-5 • Also available as an ebook