State Over Circumstance Preface: We’ve Been Here Before
By Mark Pifer, author of She Seeks Herself
This concept is central to many spiritual and philosophical traditions. While individual components of this discussion have been explored separately, this essay aims to present a definitive argument—bringing together psychology, science, and practical application to illustrate why our internal state matters far more than external circumstances.
And as one of my students aptly pointed out years ago, the job of a Guru is to repeat themselves… repeat themselves…
We do this because sometimes, the message doesn’t land the first time. Or the second. Or the fiftieth. So we try again—new words, new angles—until, finally, something clicks.
And without all that repetition, let’s be honest—I’d be out of a job.
Introduction: The Illusion of Control
We spend much of our lives believing that peace, happiness, and fulfillment are dependent on external circumstances. We think that if we can control our environment, secure success, or avoid pain, we will finally feel at ease. Yet, no matter how much we manipulate conditions, the same cycle repeats—joy remains fleeting, suffering persists, and new challenges always arise.
But what if the problem isn’t our circumstances at all? What if the real issue is our state—our internal relationship to what is?
Imagine two people stuck in traffic. One rages against the delay, gripping the wheel, seething at the wasted time. The other listens to music, breathes, and accepts the reality of the moment. The circumstance is identical, but the experience is vastly different. Why? Because circumstances don’t create suffering—our state does.
If this is true, then the only real path to peace is learning to master our state rather than endlessly fighting our circumstances.
Psychology: Why We Cling to Circumstance
The human mind is wired for survival, not peace. It constantly scans for threats, convinced that controlling external conditions will ensure safety. This instinct served our ancestors well in dangerous environments, but in modern life, it creates an endless cycle of worry, resistance, and dissatisfaction.
The brain’s negativity bias:
- We naturally focus more on potential dangers than positive experiences.
- This makes us cling to the illusion that controlling the external world will bring security.
Cognitive distortions reinforce attachment to circumstances:
- Black-and-white thinking: “If this situation doesn’t go my way, everything is ruined.”
- Emotional reasoning: “Because I feel anxious, something must be wrong.”
- Control fallacy: “If I try hard enough, I can make everything turn out the way I want.”
The paradox of control:
- The more we chase control over circumstances, the more powerless we feel.
- Real power isn’t in control, but in choosing how we respond.
Science: Why We Are Always Behind Reality
The “Already Viewed Film” Effect
(Originally discussed in my book Anywhere But Here*)*
Imagine watching a movie you’ve already seen. You know exactly what’s coming next, so you don’t get lost in resisting the plot. Even when tragic moments unfold, you can step back, knowing how it all plays out.
What if we told you that your entire life experience is like that movie—that everything you perceive has already happened by the time you sense it?
The speed of perception creates a delay:
- Light, sound, and touch all take time to reach the brain.
- Even electrical impulses in the nervous system travel at finite speeds.
- By the time you register an event, it has already occurred.
You are always reacting to the past:
- Every moment you experience has already unfolded before you become aware of it.
- Resisting what is does nothing—it’s like trying to change a movie that’s already been filmed.
The only real choice is state:
- Since perception is always a step behind reality, our only power is in how we meet each moment.
- Fighting the past is futile; surrendering to what is gives us access to real intelligence.
Instead of resisting the inevitable, we can, like a viewer of a familiar film, let go and simply witness life as it unfolds.
The Futility of Acting Powerful in a Powerless Situation
Many people believe that power comes from dominance—controlling outcomes, forcing circumstances to change, or projecting strength. But real power is found in adaptability, not control.
Consider three common but futile attempts at power:
Arguing with reality:
- “This shouldn’t be happening!”
- But it already is. Resisting it only adds suffering to an unchangeable fact.
Desperation disguised as strength:
- Trying to manipulate or force outcomes only tightens suffering’s grip.
- The strongest person in the room is not the one who fights hardest but the one who can remain calm and centered.
Leaders who cling to control instead of adapting:
- History is filled with leaders who collapsed because they clung to a false sense of control instead of adapting to what was.
When we let go of the illusion of control, we don’t become weaker—we become more effective.
Practical Applications: Shifting from Circumstance to State
If we can’t control circumstances, what can we do? We train our state. Here’s how:
Recognize the illusion of control.
- Ask: What can I actually change? What am I resisting?
- If a course correction is no longer available, let it go. If it is, align first—without resistance—so your response is clear and effective.
Use the body to shift the mind.
- Breathwork, presence, and relaxation techniques calm the nervous system.
- A calm body leads to a calm state.
Practice mindfulness & detachment.
- Notice thoughts without believing them.
- Shift from problem-focus to presence-focus.
Prioritize state over reaction.
- Before reacting, pause.
- Choose peace first, then act.
Surrender to what is.
- Ask: What would this moment feel like if I stopped resisting it?
- See what happens when you let go of the fight.
Conclusion
We often believe we are in control, but in reality, we aren’t even in sync with the natural flow of the universe through our perception. Everything we experience has already happened by the time we become aware of it. The belief that we can shape reality through resistance is an illusion—our real power lies in aligning with what is, rather than fighting what was.
Call to Action
If you find yourself resisting what is, pause. Before reacting, realign with reality. When we move from acceptance rather than resistance, our actions flow with reality instead of against it. The more we align, the more effective we become.
“Let go or be dragged.” – Zen Proverb